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Seriously, what is the deal? I thought we started a new year. Doesn’t that mean everything resets and we slowly begin weaving our lives back into the messed up ball of complication we all found ourselves entwined in at the close of 2010? Well, my hairball is still here. And so is that of all my friends. I freaking love my hairball.

Is it an age thing? Is mid-thirties just a big truckload of freaky occurrences, unexpected let downs, and sharp turns in a deceivingly straight road along side a big bucket of manic episodes? And why oh why does the person five feet away from me in this coffee shop smell so bad?

I guess what I am saying is that life is still ludicrous. For you Spaceball fans, I’ve gone plaid. And I don’t seem to be the only one. Maybe its because our astrological signs changed… or maybe it’s because we welcome the chaos.

Sure I stress. I’m having a war of intelligence with squirrels. I’m running a business, seeking love, looking for a get skinny quick fix and kicking myself for constantly forgetting people’s birthdays and children’s names. But if I didn’t have all these things going on, where would I be? Constant change and uncertainty seems to be what I thrive on. It motivates me. It challenges me. It pushes me to tackle it like a New York Jets linebacker. We all freak out and say “Look at the clusterfuck that is my life!” But, didn’t we make all of the decisions that put us on that island? You are in control of your own clusterfuck.

I chose to live a dual life in Austin and Denver. Why? Because after four years of constant travel and movement, I settled down and spent six months straight at home in Austin. I had to stir the pot. Keep things in a constant state of motion.

Will I ever get the urge to truly settle in? Don’t get me wrong, the calming image of coming home each night to share stories of my day with the love of my life over a homemade pot roast and a glass of wine while watching the evening’s prime time sitcoms or a movie that was delivered to our mailbox by Netflix that morning does pop up in my head and strike an envious cord once in a while… Then two days later when I paint my wall purple on a whim, hop a plane to NYC or change out of my PJs at midnight to run down the street and catch a great band that is playing, I realize that my version isn’t so bad either.

I guess ultimately, whether we care to admit it, we all find ourselves in the environment we designed. Sure, we can accidentally take on too much, or chemicals in our brains may shift or an entirely unexpected event can make an unexpected impact on our lives, but day in and day out, we have control over the larger portion of our decisions and averages say we end up right where we should have predicted.

Take for instance these crazy people, also sitting by me at the coffee shop. They brought with them a phone. Not a cell phone or even a satellite phone. This is the same phone I had in my bedroom in 7th grade. It has a curly cord attaching plastic handset to plastic cradle and copper wire waiting to be connected to a landline somewhere. They keep talking on it, but I cannot determine if it is plugged into a jack or anything. It’s just on the table. Is this some sort of theater production? They may have been dealt an unfortunate hand that resulted in this interesting set up in the corner of the Hideout where they talk with imaginary business partners. Or hell, maybe they are in the CIA and someone is really on the other end of that line. What I am willing to bet is that they likely made several life decisions that brought them to this point. And all I know is that I chatted with them for a bit, and they are downright happy. They are happy with their hairball and so am I.

And also notice the big boots… that are not on the big feet they belong to. Stench revealed.

I may go off the deep end here and there, but a bit of the crazies usually comes along with people who are creative and brilliant. I’m going to embrace my crazy as an indicator of something fantastic. Welcome to clusterfuck island. If you don’t like my hairball then I guess we just weren’t meant to be. Sad Land next door is accepting new residents.

(Wow, Doc, these little white pills really do the trick.)

Oh, and I have a confession to make… I had no freaking clue where the Poconos were until I Googled it 10 minutes ago. I knew they were a “vacation destination” but I didn’t even know if they were mountains or islands, skiing or surfing. I wasn’t even totally sure if they were in the US. Hey, you can’t be super smart about everything. I reserve my brain for things that are much more valuable to me. (They are mountains in Pennsylvania).

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It’s time. I’m about 5 months too late to call this a “new year, new me” moment, but what the hell? I’m turning over new leaves left and right.

It was about 60 days ago that I finally decided to take a giant swan dive off the corporate ladder. It only took me until my hair was falling out, my friends didn’t recognize me, I hadn’t had a date that scored better than take out Chinese and a Lifetime movie in a year, I dreaded getting up in the morning but couldn’t go to sleep at night and my 2-year-old niece told me I work too much. So maybe the decision was past due, but at least I got there.

The hardest part of all of this was finally just taking the plunge. So much anxiety and stress goes into coming to the conclusion to take control of your own destiny. What if I fail? What if I lose my home? Good God, what if I have to move into my parent’s basement in Sun City??? As I contemplated what to do, I received a lot of advice along the lines of, “Don’t quit until you have something else. You have a good stable job in a bad economy.” And you know, that advice was certainly sound. But the fact of the matter is, I had no interest in “something else”. It was time to see what I could do on my own. It was a burning desire that no one else could feel and a decision no one else could make for me.

I looked around, realized there was no one that would be affected by my poor decisions but me, and hell… I will always have Sun City if things fall apart. Plunge I did. And you know what? The hardest part is over. Once you step off the edge, there is nothing to do but do your best to make it work.

So I have spent the last few months a little bit stressed out, working my tail off and wondering whether I’ll make next months mortgage payment. But I once again have a full head of gorgeous hair, my friends welcomed me back to their lives with open arms, my family stands behind me and shines with pride… and dammit, I’m happy.

So, what I am trying to say is that I’m motivated to write again. For the first time in almost 2 years. You can probably guess that most of my posts will follow along this entrepreneurial journey I have embarked on, but for those of you who were with me on the last ride, don’t worry, you’ll still get a good healthy dose of bad date tales. That’s a leaf I probably haven’t turned over yet…