I have an addiction. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I watch an infomercial, I buy the product. They get me every time. I can’t think of one I have watched that didn’t end in a burning desire to dial that 1-800 number.

It all started when I was growing up in Toledo. My Grandmother had this infomercialitis too. We would go over to her house and she would have every weight loss gadget that ever got air time on her 1960-something television in the back room. The rest of my family would roll their eyes, but I would squeal with glee. It was a playground of Ab Rollers, Thigh Masters and that weird thing with metal springs and plastic handles, like Brandon on The Goonies works out with.

What is that thing called?

Then, in my highschool years, I had insomnia and found myself staring at hour long commercials for kitchen gadgets and massive workout machines with smart cards! All I wanted for my Sweet 16 was the Magic Hand Blender or the Snack Master.

Over the years, I have sucked my friends and roommates into this addiction. At one point I learned you can save a boat load of cash by purchasing these things on eBay instead of through the product number or site. One of my roommates was obsessed with the Ronco Pasta Maker (Ron Popeil is the king of the infomercial kitchen). She bought it. We used it. Once. That was the same time that I bought the food dehydrator. I used it to make the worlds best beef jerky and dried apples. Once.

Now that I’m living on my own, I’ve convinced myself that I will use exercise DVDs and gadgets in the privacy of my own home. I am a proud owner of the Ab Circle Pro. DID YOU HEAR ME? I HAVE THE AB CIRCLE PRO. How does this happen? I need to go back and watch the show again. I need to dissect it and figure out exactly how they convinced me that sliding around on this ridiculous and clunky disc-like thing would be beneficial and fun. Fact is, it does work your abs. But even in the privacy of my own home, I can’t bring myself to throw myself around on that thing. I’m embarrassed to do that in front of myself.

I also have Barry’s Bootcamp DVDs (I followed up the once used “Slim in Six” system with this). It kicks your ass. I used it… once. No matter how much you tell yourself that you are going to pop these 20 minute DVDs in every day, it just doesn’t happen. Unless the real Barry is going to physically come into my home and yank me off the couch, his digital version is going to remain in the DVD case under my TV. That one came with a giant exercise ball, that is really a giant cylinder… We call it the “giant pill” because that is exactly what it looks like. It now sits in my guest room and haunts my visitors. Paint half of it another color and Dr. Oz could use it for one of his giant clown props.

The Giant Pill

I guess what I am saying is, if I had all the money back from these items gathering dust in my apartment (I also have the neck line slimmer, sheer beauty products and the bullet blender), I’d probably have enough money to order those P90X DVDs…