So I know I explained the whole traumatizing experience when I was 2 and chased by a peacock at the zoo. That was the inciting incident of my fear and loathing of birds. The swallows that dive bombed me while I mowed the lawn in Omaha (seriously, my neighbor mowed with a tennis racket), the pigeon that dropped green poo on my head in NY, and the irritating bird crap and noise that came with my ex neighbor who we referred to as Ace Ventura, did not help matters. I am telling you, there is something about birds. They know things. They know I am afraid and they mock me. I have witnesses. Every time I am around them they swoop extra close to me or come way nearer to my food than I am at all comfortable with.

Anyway, today I made a breakthrough. I shared a moment with the birds. I sat outside to eat my lunch at Whole Foods. This in itself was a huge accomplishment as anyone who has been there knows this area is shared with the birds- as equals. At first my skin was crawling but then I formed a special bond with a bird that had a stub for one leg. He was bathing in the water, flying around, and seemed pretty darn happy. Not sure how you know if a bird is happy but just go with it. Anyway, I don’t what all of this means, but for some reason I don’t think it is creepy any more that every day at 5:30pm millions and millions of birds line themselves up on every tree, building edge, electrical wire and stoplight pole along 6th street. All of them at the same time. All of them facing the same way…

Wait… that IS still creepy! There are no other animals that come out en mass like this, line themselves up exactly 61/2 inches apart and chat with each other. Wouldn’t we think it was weird if all the mice or all the squirrels in the city lined themselves up at the side of the same road every day at the same time… as if they were watching a parade? (Would be kind of funny actually) And where does it end? At the city line? How far out can a bird live and still participate this ritual? Are there jurisdictions? HOW DO THEY KNOW?!! What the hell is this all about? I wouldn’t put birds toward the top of the animal list for brains. So how do they orchestrate this? Don’t give me that whole “instinct” thing either. Migration? yes. Mating? yes. Billions of bats off to find insects for dinner at the same time? yes. But gathering for a massive city bird meeting (bird-thirty) every evening? Creepy. Somebody should look into this.

Meanwhile, it is Christmas Eve. I am by myself at home in Austin, as everyone took off for the Holidays. Since I have spent every 3 days for the past year either packing or unpacking a suitcase, trekking through multiple airports, or driving back and forth between Houston and Austin, I opted to stay put for this Christmas. I am beginning to regret it because I do miss my family, although I just saw them at Thanksgiving. So I finished my shopping, cleaned my apartment, baked my dish to take to my friend’s house tomorrow, and now I am sitting here bored out of my mind and only have 3 channels. Trying… to… resist…fancy…bottle of wine…from…client…

Screw it. Cheers and Merry Christmas!

Advertisements